Parenting is the most rewarding and frustrating task on earth. I love being a dad but I have to admit that there are days when I just want to scream “I didn’t sign up for this.” Well actually I did. When our kids entered the world, we were automatically placed in charge of their upbringing. Good or bad parenting – prepared or unprepared – willing or unwilling – we were placed in charge.
There are a million books, seminars, classes, lectures, and people out there who want to tell you how to be a good parent. Some of it helps. Some of it doesn’t. I know for me most of my parenting skills have been developed with time and experience. I tell my oldest daughter Kayleigh regularly: “You are the first _____ year old that we have ever parented. Give us some space and time to learn.” With all the insights and suggestions out there, here are a couple of essentials that would make the top of my list.
1. Love your children unconditionally.
Here’s what I want my children to know: there is nothing they can do to make me love them any less. I’m not sure this is a principle you can learn. You can really only experience it. As often as my kids frustrate me, my love for them never diminishes. They really don’t even begin to comprehend how deeply I love them. As a matter of fact, they will most likely not understand it until they experience it themselves!
Unconditional love allows freedom and responsibility. Free to be who they are and take risks. Responsibility to know that because I love them I want what is absolutely best for them and that includes boundaries (for their own reward).
2. Correct your children consistently and lovingly.
DISCIPLINE: what a scary word! Discipline is perhaps the most difficult part of parenting. It is probably the one area where I question my own consistency. It is so TOUGH to be consistent in this area. We have developed some incredible plans and charts through the years when it comes to chores, responsibilities, consequences to choices, and other discipline-related issues. Most of these plans and charts are in the trash. Our discipline, as inconsistent as it is, has this primary goal: instructional reconciliation. We want our children to “learn” and to “be forgiven.”
Discipline stems from God Himself and his purpose is the same: He disciplines his children so that they might grow, develop, and learn. In the process, we learn to make right choices and become more like Jesus. That’s hopefully what discipline for our children does as well (notice I said for and not to): it teaches them to make right choices and in the process hopefully leads them toward becoming more solid Jesus followers and better people.
I am not a parenting expert. I make plenty of mistakes. But I have learned that if we can learn to love our children unconditionally and discipline them consistently and properly, then just maybe I have helped do my part of making them more dependent on God and less dependent on us as they grow.